Saturday, January 1, 2011

Welcome to the Aughts!

Well, we made it through the first decade of the 2000's in one piece. Kind of.

It was quite a year, 2010. Last half of Gay Wedding run. Got back into therapy and took it seriously. Broken hearts- 1. Pounds lost- 50. Cancer scares- 3. Yeah, 3. One was actually pretty scary, like getting-affairs-in-order-and-designating-someone-to-make-medical-decisions-for-me-if-I-can't scary. The other two- eh, I have a new scar and I was actually sent to the Disney Breast Center for the same lump- twice- ha! Produced our first video project and our film, Landslide, of course has had its ups and downs (mostly ups I am pleased to say).

Even the bad things, though, they had their upsides. Landslide taking forever and a day to get funded- I'm learning patience. The broken heart- I'm as responsible for it as he who broke it. He wasn't the first I did this to, but he was the first with whom I regretted it and I wanted to fix it (I was unsuccessful), and losing him got me to stop just considering myself damaged, deal with my issues, face down my demons and do a whole heck of a lot of healing- I called it Operation Packing My Baggage. Operation PMB isn't over, but its mostly done, and I'm a so much better person for it. I'm over him (finally, and thank God), and I know now I did this for me (and those who I love and who will come after him) and not for him, but he was the catalyst to get me to do it. For that I will be eternally grateful to him, and my loved ones should be, although some of them still want to kick his butt from here to kingdom come.

I see their point, but I saw Next to Normal on Thursday night, a life-changing experience and bang-up dead-on portrayal of depression if ever there was one. I couldn't take my eyes off the stage. The happy ending (and that's putting it loosely) is that Diana faces the root of her depression and starts to really deal with it and try to heal, which frees her family to the same. I was so glad I had started that process this year and not someday when I already have kids. I was horrified at the idea what I could have put my family through someday had I not done so now. I wanted to write the guy that broke my heart a thank-you note on the spot. I did not. I don't think either of us want to reopen that wound. In Landslide, the main character, Tara- someone says to her that her being depressed doesn't make it okay to behave poorly. I wrote that a good year and a half before I really learned it myself. But I really learned it, and as I said to my partner, Kevin, regarding Tara, Thank God I'm not like that anymore. Kevin agreed emphatically. I may be creative, but it doesn't mean I have to be moody and tempermental. I like being even-tempered, well-adjusted and emotionally available. So to whom it may concern- thanks.

Cancer scares? Well, it wasn't cancer, was it? Its never bad to have one's affairs in order, and its really never bad to be reminded how fragile life is. The eye injury? Eh, it healed, and I needed to learn to chill out. I think a lot of people were relieved to see that happen (including me).

Now that the new year is here, and everyone is choosing their New Years Resolutions, I sit there and say, what's left? I hit my goal weight, am accomplishing my human revolution (yay Buddhism!), chilled out, cleaned up my emotional baggage, live in a great area, am able to pay my bills, I'm obscenely lucky to be surrounded by such wonderful family and friends, and have the greatest film crew a girl could have. What more do I really need?

Ah, yes- I need to learn to keep my tires properly inflated myself. And you know, there's this great guy... I think I'll ask him to teach me to how to do it. I'll bribe him with eggplant parm (its a running joke for us).

Welcome 2011- may it go even better than 2010.

1 comment:

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